Sitting in the Uncomfortable

There have been numerous occasions since I’ve been here, at least once a day if we’re being honest, when I felt uncomfortable. This is quite a challenge, namely because there was very little I could do about feeling that way. This ranges from being stuck on a packed dala dala (bus) in the middle of sweltering heat sitting at one of the busiest intersections in all of Dar for 40 minutes to conversations in Swahili that I sometimes simply could not understand, no matter how slowly or carefully the person spoke to me.

I’ve gone through a great range of emotions, a love-hate relationship really, with this idea of sitting in the uncomfortable. In the beginning, I had an “Embrace It All” attitude, ready for this new and exciting adventure. I was green, ready to blossom in all the ways I imagined I would. Nothing could get me down, not the longest bus ride or the most confusing conversation, because I was having an “experience of a lifetime.”

With time, however, my attitude shifted. It was no longer an “experience of a lifetime,” it was simply life. A life that my friends and neighbors will almost all have to live forever. This is not a choice for them, this is not a grand adventure, and this is not temporary. So, for a while, my mindset became: sit in the uncomfortable in order to better understand the lives of the people you love and to be in solidarity with them. Do it because they do it day in and day out.

This is still the bedrock of my philosophy…being in solidarity is at the center of understanding and my desire to work for change. But now what I have to consider is how I will walk with them from thousands of miles away, instead of in the same neighborhood, experiencing the same struggles and triumphs sprinkled among the everyday injustices. That is a whole new kind of uncomfortable.

With the views and ideas I have formed in the last two years, I have been able to understand more fully what life is like in the developing world. I will never fully understand, of this I am certain. However, now with my more extensive knowledge, I can be a better advocate and challenger of the imbalance between developed and developing. I have experienced daylong power outages and weeks without running water. I have sat in silence and sorrow as my friends mourn the (often premature) death of their children or parents. I have watched countless children sent home from school because their parents or guardians could not pay school fees. I have encountered people who have been so screwed by the system that they resort of thievery or booze. I have seen homes and communities destroyed by flooding that could have been avoided with better infrastructure and waste management systems. I have met people who were failed by the education system, which is brittle and full of holes. I have had many opportunities to sit with people in the midst of their own discomfort.

Now, more recently, I’ve found myself with a “sit in the uncomfortable because you won’t have to do it too much longer” outlook. I won’t have to sit on crowded dala dalas, or use any public transportation for that matter. I won’t have to walk a great distance over rocky ground under the scorching heat. I won’t have to haggle for a reasonable price for a piece of fruit. “Soon,” I keep telling myself, “you won’t have to take that extra breath for patience. It will all be easy again in a few months.”

This is where the real problem comes about. Does this mean that I believe once I get back to America, I no longer have to be uncomfortable or challenged by the things I witness and experience? And if I do believe that, what have the last two years been about anyway? This is a formation experience…a way to get a better grasp on the world and be a witness to the way most of humanity (aka the developing world) lives in it.  Just because I don’t really have to live uncomfortably if I don’t want to, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.

I must challenge myself to continue sitting in the uncomfortable. I must keep asking if I am contributing to the further destruction of the earth, what I am consuming, which organizations and companies do I support and how are they (if at all) supporting the people in developing countries that are not receiving a fair wage or their most basic human rights? What am I doing to tip the scales of justice and in which direction?

What am I going to do differently than I had done before coming here? Which lessons and intentions from my time here will follow me home? Will I continue to be careful of how much water I use and the way that I use it? Will I check products before buying them to ensure they are committed to ideals of fair trade and are environmentally friendly? Will I take time to do things like cook instead of paying for the convenience of pre-packaged food? Will I actively choose to take public transportation instead of getting into my big car, filling it with gas, and driving somewhere alone? Will I remember to take time for people, instead of isolating myself in Facebook World or TV Land? As a professional educator, how will I commit my life to improving education internationally? How will I treat the people I encounter that come from all walks of life?

How will I push myself to remain uncomfortable and ask the difficult questions? How do I keep from becoming complacent when it would be so easy to do so? Sitting comfortably is the same as being quietly satisfied and I refuse to be still and silent in a world that is in great need of social change.

How will I gently, without losing courage or conviction, push my peers toward the same call to action and advocacy? I cannot shrink away from the essential beliefs I have built upon during the last two years because I am afraid to challenge others and they are equally as afraid of being challenged. I must stand strong in my desire to stir the pot of complacency.

I will not sit and I will not be comfortable. We must go out into this big world, understand how we are failing it and each other, and do something about it…whether through being educated on issues of social justice and conservation or using the knowledge we already have, in partnership with our passions, to devote our lives to greater change.

Here’s to always sitting in the uncomfortable.